Friday, July 21, 2017

Yo the world is changing

Now you can sleep in a conference.

It's mandatory to eat banana in the meeting.

Street fight is highly encouraged.

Stormtrooper -
strictly for female only.


Dogs are gonna rule the world

Fair enough.

A wise man once said...

The hardest years in my life are those between seven and seventy.

My parents never fulfilled my needs. I asked for candy and they gave me love.

A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch.

I had a parrot once, and he could talk, but he couldn't say "I'm hungry", so he died.

I have good communication skill because I spend lots of time in movie theaters, talking.

Women would rather have beauty than brains because men can see better than he can think.

My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

What do you do when you're bored?

I hug my tree

I build a missile

I wash my car

I cook

I work

I go to the men's washroom...

I create a flood

Bored? Impossible. I'm Catwoman!

Sexy Wednesday

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Sunday, July 16, 2017


A teenager was helping his dad with DIY jobs around the house.

"You know, son," said the father, "you're just like lightning with that hammer."

"Yeah I know, I'm really fast." said the son, with a smile.

"No, you never strike in the same place twice."

A worried father confronted his daughter, "Kim, I don't like your new boyfriend Jack, he's rough and irresponsible."

"Daddy, Jack is amazing," his daughter replied, "we've only been going out several times and he's cured me of that illness I used to get once a month."

Two men are talking. The first says, "I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing shabby clothes."

"Amazing," says the second, "I just got divorced for the very same reasons."

A woman told her husband, "You know what, yesterday I saw a very attractive girl!"

The husband couldn't believe his wife would say such a thing, so he asked, "So what happened?"

"I just kept looking at her, admiring her..." she replied.

"Wow, really!?" he exclaimed. "What happened then?"

"Well," she answered, "then I moved away from the mirror."


Saturday, July 15, 2017

Friday, July 14, 2017

A wise man once said...

Exercise is a hard work for which you do not get paid.

Impotence is a nature's way of saying 'No Hard Feelings'.

Buy one for the price of two and get the second one free!

Finally I know the all the answers but nobody asks the questions.

I love you. If you were a tree and I were a squirrel, I'd store my nuts in your hole.

The only difference between men and pigs is that pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.

A subtle way to...

tell your parents that you're already a grown-up

tell your parents that you're no longer a virgin

tell your parents that you're a lesbian

tell your parents that you're an idiot

tell your parents that you despise human

teach your children a biological class

tell your children where they actually came from

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It isn't just a pub, it's a destination.
- The Royal

Monday, July 10, 2017

Life hacks

I'm Hulk, what am I supposed to do with
those super large pants while I'm still Bruce?
Share the pants with your loved one.

I'm the owner of a big company and I'd love to
make the workplace more fun and challenging.

I'm an ordinary man but every time I see 
boobs I feel like I want to touch them.
Regress into the form of orangutan 
so that it wouldn't be too offensive. 

I'm a woman and I'd love to 
make my car more ladylike.

I'm an amateur photographer but
I want to look like a professional.

I love fishing, I'm a fishing enthusiast!
I'd love to fish every day, every minute!
Turn your bedroom into a fishing pond.

I'm a peeping Tom, I know 
it's bad but I can't help it.
Ask Medusa to turn you into one of 
these statues, then you can peep all day.