Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Yo what's going on??

A wise man once said...

The greatest luxury of riches is that they enable you to escape so much good advice.

I had two chickens. One got sick, so I made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

I don't want my kids being grabbed by bad guys. Therefore I only let my daughter hang out with better-looking kids.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning, a good ending and having the two as close together as possible.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

Marriage is when a man and a woman become as one. The trouble starts when the mother-in-laws also try to become as one.

Monday, May 22, 2017

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I know what I'm doing...

Don't worry, I know what I'm doing...

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Friday, May 19, 2017

Life is full of...

Your friends are still waiting for iPhone 8,
and suddenly you have iphone 18.

You're in maximum excitement playing PC game,
and suddenly your wife interrupts.

You're in subway enjoying your MP3,
and suddenly you're about to shout.

You with your daughters in art exhibition,
and suddenly realize that they're lesbians.

You're enjoying your ramen,
and suddenly realize that you haven't had sex for a long time.

You go for tedious groceries shopping,
and suddenly you feel like you actually enjoy it.

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Wednesday, May 17, 2017

No Worries. Be Happy.

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Logically Speaking

Human = eat + sleep + work + play

Pig = eat + sleep

Human = pig + work + play

Human - play = pig + work

A human who doesn't play = A working pig

Woman has man in it;

Mrs. has Mr. in it;

Female has male in it;

She has he in it;

Madam has Adam in it;

No wonder men always want to be inside women!

Before Marriage - You take my breath away.
After Marriage - I feel like I'm suffocating.

Before Marriage - Idol.
After Marriage - Idle.

Before Marriage - Passion.
After Marriage - Ration.

Before Marriage- Don't stop.
After Marriage - Don't start.

Before Marriage - Once upon a time.
After Marriage - The end.

Monday, May 15, 2017

... like a boss.

Sit like a boss

Peek like a boss

Take selfie like a boss

Drive like a boss

Love like a boss

Cheat like a boss

Eat like a boss

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Sunday, May 14, 2017

A wise man once said...

I prefer dogs to women because dog's parents never visit.

My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

The surest sign that a man is in love is when he divorces his wife.

If you see two people talking and one looks bored, I'm the other one.

The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down.

We call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

Saturday, May 13, 2017

So... I improvised.

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Friday, May 12, 2017