Wednesday, August 30, 2017

I See...

A flea told another flea, "It's cold, what can I do?"

"What happened to you?" asked its friend.

"Well, I got a ride down here in a guy's mustache, and he came down here by motorcycle. I nearly froze to death!" it complained.

"I see! I tell you what, you should go to the ladies' washroom. When you get there, get yourself up on the toilet seat, and when a woman comes in to take a leak, you hop on for a nice warm ride. Got it?"

"But this is how I ended up in a guy's mustache!"

A saleswoman from a major condom company was required to travel cross-country to meet a perspective buyer. Her boss asked her to take about 100 condoms of various types with her.

As she was running late for her flight, she simply stuffed them all into her briefcase. The cab ride to the airport was delayed by traffic and she had just enough time to throw her ticket at the counter and run onto the plane. As she jumped into the airplane, she dropped her briefcase and all the condoms flew out all over the floor in front of all the passengers and crew.

They all stared amazed at the display and then looked to the woman who said sheepishly, "I'm meeting a new client."

A businessman brought his beautiful secretary back to his house for sex.

"Don't worry," he assured her, "my wife is out of town, so there's no risk."

As one thing led to another, she reached into her purse and suddenly gasped, "Oh no! I forgot to bring birth control!"

"It's fine," he smiled, "I'll get my wife's diaphragm."

After a few minutes of searching, he returned to the bedroom in a fury.

"That woman!" he exclaimed, "She took it with her! I always knew that she didn't trust me!"