Thursday, June 1, 2017

A wise man once said...

I've tried yoga, but I find stress less boring.

The one thing that money can't buy is poverty.

My birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

I have a perfect marriage. I'm a history teacher and she likes dates.

I'm like horoscopes, I always tell my friends what to do and I'm always wrong.

The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge I have and you don't have.

Doctors can be so frustrating. I waited a month for an appointment, then he said, "I wish you had come to me sooner."