Friday, May 26, 2017

The Difference

A philosopher told his students, "There are two important things in life."

A student asked, "What are they?"

The philosopher replied, "Honesty and wisdom!"

"What is honesty?" asked another student.

"Keep your word if you have given it."

"And wisdom?"

"Don't give it!"

Things that are very difficult to say when you're drunk:

British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate

Things that are impossible to say when you're drunk:

Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
Nope, no more booze for me.
Sorry, but you're not really my type.
I don't want to sing.

GUTS - You arrive home late after a night out with your buddies, being met by your wife with a broom, and have the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - You arrive home late after a night out with your buddies, smelling of perfume and beer, and lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and have the balls to say: "You're next."

A sarcastic coach asked a student, "Hey you, can you swim?"

"No, sir," replied the student.

"Well," said the coach, "that means a dog is better than you!"

The student asked, "But sir, can you swim?"

"Yes!" answered the coach.

"Too bad," said the student, "no difference between you and the dog."