Tom asked the receptionist at a seaside hotel for direction.
"Oh, that's easy! It's only a stone's throw from the beach," she replied.
"But how will I recognize it?"
"Oh, that's easy! It's the one with all the broken windows."
A professor was telling the class, "I've found that the best way to start the day is to exercise for 10 minutes and then finish with a cold shower. Then I feel rosy all over."
A voice from the back of the room responded, "Tell me more about Rosy."
A married man bumped into an attractive lady at a party.
As they danced, he said, "Look sweetheart, I'm really attracted to you. But I don't have much time, I have to be home in the morning. So I'd sure like to speed things up between us."
She replied, "I know, I'm dancing as fast as I can!"
A fat Asian lady was coming out of a US airport.
A security guard told her, "Wait please..."
The lady looked at the guard, paused for two seconds, then replied, "88Kgs" and moved on.
A professor was irritated by an extremely lazy student, he asked, "Jessica! Why couldn't you get your essay done by the deadline?"
She retorted, "I'd been too fucking busy, and vice versa."