A businessman brought his beautiful secretary back to his house for sex.
"Don't worry," he assured her, "my wife is out of town, so there's no risk."
As one thing led to another, she reached into her purse and suddenly gasped, "Oh no! I forgot to bring birth control!"
"It's fine," he smiled, "I'll get my wife's diaphragm."
After a few minutes of searching, he returned to the bedroom in a fury.
"That woman!" he exclaimed, "She took it with her! I always knew that she didn't trust me!"
A pretty actress, fearing she looked too thin on the camera, asked the director to do something about that.
He did, and now she's insisting he marry her.
A worried father confronted his daughter, "Kim, I don't like your new boyfriend Jack, he's rough and irresponsible."
"Daddy, Jack is amazing," his daughter replied, "we've only been going out several times and he's cured me of that illness I used to get once a month..."
It was rush hour and the bus was packed. A lady passenger turned to the man behind her and said, "Mister, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm gonna call the cops!"
The man behind her replied, "What!? I don't know what you're talking about! That's just my pay check in my pocket!"
"Really?" she said. "Then you must have done your job very well, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour!"