A man went to get his driver's license renewed, the line inched along for almost an hour until the man finally got his license.
He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line for so long, till I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture."
The clerk looked at his picture closely, then said, "Don't worry, that's how you're going to look like when the cops pull you over anyway."
"Oh, daddy," said the daughter, "I'm gonna get married tomorrow, it's gonna be so hard leaving mommy."
The father patted his daughter's hand and said, "Don't worry, take her with you!"
A man's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's friends are crying furiously.
Finally, he has to walk over to console them, "Don't worry, I will marry again."
"When you lose your hair in the front," one man says to the other, "it means you're a great thinker. If you lose it in the back, it means you're a great lover."
"But... I'm losing it in the front and in the back!" replies the other.
"Don't worry," says the first man, "that means you think you're a great lover."