Stationed in Tokyo, Japan, John's son and his wife were expecting their first baby. John was elated when his son called him at work with the news of his grandchild's birth. John took down all the statistics and turned to relate it all to his co-workers.
"I'm a grandfather!" he declared. "It's a baby girl, and she weighs five pounds!"
"When was she born?" someone asked.
Recalling the date his son told him, he stopped, looked at the calendar, and said, "Tomorrow..."
A lady was complaining bitterly to her roommate about last night's blind date.
"Not only did the bastard lie to me about the size of his yacht," she said, "but he made me do the rowing."
A man walked into a bar, looked very tired.
After several drinks, he confided to his friend, "Next time if I give her the ultimatum 'Screw or Walk', I must make sure I'm in my own car and not hers."
A man took his sister to a psychiatrist.
"Doc," he said, "my sister keeps thinking she's invisible."
The psychiatrist asked, "What sister?"