A man saw a poster at the corner of the street.
The poster read: 'Are you an alcoholic? Call us. We will help.'
The man was an alcoholic and was looking to get some help, so he called the number given in the poster.
It turned out to be the number of a liquor store, and they had 'Buy one and get one free' promotion.
An old businessman reads about Einstein's theory of relativity in the newspaper.
He then asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him.
"Well, grandpa, Einstein's theory is sort of like this: If you're putting your hand into a pot of boiling water, a minute seems like an hour. But if you're sitting with a beautiful woman on your lap, an hour seems like a minute."
The old man exclaims, "And from this he makes a living!!?"
A man thinks that his lawyer has overcharged him, so he asks his lawyer for a detailed statement of costs. Minutes later, he receives a statement which includes the following detail:
"That day I saw you on the other side of the street when I was parking my car. I rushed to the corner of the street to cross at the light, then I crossed the street, ran after you, and touched your shoulder from behind, only to find it wasn't you. Billed you $100 for my efforts and time."
A woman was visiting a church one Sunday. The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congregation fell asleep.
After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very sleepy looking man, extended her hand in greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn."
And the man replied, "Yeah, I'm glad it's done too!"