A divorce lawyer asked a woman, "Tell me, why do you want a divorce?"
The woman replied, "My husband treats me like a dog!"
"Hmm, I see. Does he beat you? Does he torture you?"
"No, he wants me to be faithful to him."
A priest was dying and the wise men of the village believed that his life could be saved if he gave up celibacy and slept with a woman.
They told the priest, "Father, you give up celibacy only to save your life, so that you can serve God further."
Finally, the priest relented. "Okay fine, but I have three conditions."
"First," he continued, "that woman needs to be blind, so she cannot see who she is with. Second, she must be deaf so she cannot hear me. Third, she must have big boobs."
A thrifty guy was looking for a birthday present for a friend. Everything was too expensive for him except for a glass vase that had been broken.
So he asked the store to send it in the hope that his friend would think it had been broken in transit.
Two days later he got an email from his friend: "Thanks for the vase. It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately."