A virgin girl tried to kill herself at home, she was saved by her neighbor.
A few days later, a pastor came to see her.
"Poor child," he said, "what can I do to make you feel better?"
"I don't know..." she said, "there's no difference between a person who committed suicide and a virgin!"
"Yes, there is," the pastor said, "One is trying to die, and the other is dying to try..."
A wife wanted her husband to go Sunday church with her.
She said to him, "You should come with me, do you know the difference between a woman in church and a woman in pub?"
"I don't," he said, "but I do know the difference between a woman in church and a woman in bathtub."
"Well... what is it?" asked the puzzled wife.
"One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole."
A man, just had sex with his girlfriend, was lying in the bed smoking.
"John," said his girlfriend, "I'm bored, say something."
"Hmm, well," he replied, "you're an English teacher, aren't you? So why don't we play a game? Let's see who can come up with the best poem?"
"Oh that's boring, but fine, let's play," responded the girl.
"Okay, I got one, listen," he smiled. "Two times two is four plus five is nine. I can pee in yours but you can't pee in mine."
"Okay, my turn..." she said. "Two times two is four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours but you'll never know the depth of mine."