A coach asked a student, "Hey you, can you swim?"
"No, sir," replied the student.
"Well," said the coach, "that means a dog is better than you!"
The student asked, "But sir, can you swim?"
"Yes!" answered the coach.
"Too bad," said the student, "no difference between you and the dog."
Lying in bed, a wife tried to seduce her husband.
"Baby, you know what, I'm wet," she said.
"Oh, want a paper towel?" he asked.
"No honey, I want more than that, you know..."
"Want two paper towels?"
"No baby, I want something big and round..."
"Really!? You want the whole roll?!"
A famous speaker said, " The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife."
Audience was in shock and silence.
He then continued, "She was my mother."
A man tried to crack this at home. After a few drinks, he said loudly to his wife in kitchen, "Well, the best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife."
Standing for a while to recall the second half, he finally blurted out,
"I can't remember who she was."