An attorney asked a witness, "Mr. Chamber, was the deceased in the habit of talking to herself when she was alone?"
"I'm not sure," replied the witness.
"What!?" the attorney raised his voice, "But you said that you were intimately acquainted with the deceased!!"
The witness raised his voice too, "Look, I never happened to be with her when she was alone!"
A tiger is giving a toast at his wedding party, then he notices one of the guests is a cat.
He asks, "Who are you? Why are you here?"
The cat replies, "Look, before my marriage I was also a tiger."
A woman confided to her girlfriend, "My ex-husband wants to marry me again."
Her friend said, "Wow! How flattering!"
The woman replied, "Not really. I think he's after the money I married him for."
A man was driving through a farmland when he saw a farmer standing in the middle of his field without movement.
The man stopped his car and watched the farmer as he stood there for a couple of minutes. Then he approached the farmer, and asked, "I'm sorry, but may I ask, what are you doing?"
The farmer replied, "I'm going to get a Nobel Prize!"
"Oh, great! How?"
"I have read in a newspaper," answered the farmer, "that they would give a Nobel Prize to one who is out standing in his field."